"Muriel," I asked, "why did the masters want me to leave Findhorn and return to Los Angeles?"
Having flown into town the previous day, I was having a private counseling session with Muriel at the Lighted Way. Muriel used psychological and spiritual counseling as a means of financially supporting the work of the metaphysical center. Most of the clients were not regular students at the Lighted Way. Some people came for serious psychotherapy, others for psychic readings or healings.
Muriel channeled: "The masters wanted you to visit Findhorn, but not to stay there permanently. Because they knew you would like it there, they arranged a test of your obedience; they also wanted you to learn and grow through experiencing other lifestyles."
Muriel was not in a meditation state, but had been channeling with her eyes wide open as if in normal conversation. Apparently her years of practice had enabled her to channel while in normal, everyday consciousness.
She continued: "In coming back, you have experienced much growth and development in maturity and understanding. You feel a strong urge now to want to help others."
Listening intently, I mentally agreed with what she said.
"The New Age cannot be just groups of people living in remote communes," she explained. "These retreats are good, but they are not the New Age. Our way is to fully integrate into the world and bring light into it. Integrating is a more difficult path than living in a retreat. The masters want you in Los Angeles to help pioneer the path of being in the world, but not of the world."
After a pause, I asked with concern, "Should I try to return to my old job?"
"Know that you are blessed by 'God,'" she replied. "Doors will open. Go and see your old boss. If it is in God's will, things will work out with him."
My former boss was pleased to see me. After some thought, he offered me a job, and I began commercial employment again.
As I resumed attending classes at the Lighted Way, I noticed a change in the emphasis of Muriel's teachings. Instead of focusing upon channeling the masters, she now channeled "the Father." The change was subtle, but the teachings had a much more devotional and religious flavor than the former intellectual metaphysical teachings. Muriel claimed that she had undergone a certain initiation that enabled her to channel "the Father" directly. In the groups, we began to spend time praying to "the Father," almost as one would in a Christian church. The channelings were even cloaked in language similar to that in the King James Version of the Bible. During one of the light circle channeling sessions, a student channeled the following message: "When you wake up in the morning and start the day, first go to the Father in prayer and ask him, 'Father, what wilt thou have me do this day to glorify thy name?'"
The channeling left a deep impression on me. The following morning I set up a small altar in my apartment. On the top of the altar I placed two silver candlesticks containing tall white candles. The altar also had an incense holder on it. After lighting the candles and incense, I knelt before the altar and prayed, "Father, what wilt thou have me do this day to glorify thy name?"
I then meditated and opened myself to any instructions that "the Father" may have had for me. I decided that each morning I would start my period of devotional prayer and meditation with this invocation to "the Father."
One evening, I went to bed as usual. Closing my eyes, I suddenly felt soothing energy filling my entire body. As I opened my eyes again, I saw that the bedroom was filled with green light, as if a green arc lamp had been switched on to fill the room with light.
I concluded that the masters must be sending light into the room. I tried to fall asleep but was unable to do so. Every time I opened my eyes, the room was still filled with the green light. Feeling a deep serenity and sense of peace, I did not sleep one wink all night.
Expecting to feel quite tired at work the next day, I was surprised to discover that I had plenty of energy, just as if I had had an excellent night's sleep.
The next night, exactly the same thing occurred. I did not sleep at all, but felt peaceful tranquility as my bedroom was filled with light. Again the mystical light - this time blue - was present all night long.
In the morning I felt perfectly rested. I worked hard all day at my job, had plenty of energy, and felt alert, in spite of the fact that I had not had a single second of sleep during two consecutive nights.
At the next class, I asked Muriel what she thought had been happening to me.
"Angels were attending you and giving you healing energy, she stated, as if channeling the information.
Unfortunately, I could not see any effects of this "healing" energy upon my health problems; my ailments were still fully evident. I reasoned that perhaps remission of my symptoms would occur later, but was disappointed when no healing occurred. In fact, the longer I was associated with the New Age movement, the worse my health became - in spite of the numerous "healings" I had received from Muriel and other New Age healers during special healing services and other private appointments.
Several months later Muriel phoned me unexpectedly while I was at my desk at work. "Last night the Father awakened me," she reported. "He spoke to me and told me that we will need six thousand dollars in order to prepare new lesson materials and start an intensive advertising thrust to promote new classes at the Lighted Way. The Father instructed me to call up the disciples and ask them for contributions toward this project."
Without giving much thought to what had been said, I replied, "Well, Muriel, let me see what I can do."
During our Sunday morning services I had always given at least a twenty-dollar offering. On several occasions I gave a generous one-hundred-dollar donation. However, this was the first time that Muriel had ever spoken to me directly and asked for special donations to support the activity of the Lighted Way.
After work, I went to a nearby automatic teller machine to check how much money I had available in my account. There was just over five hundred dollars - all the money I had in the world. My trip to England and the stay at Findhorn had depleted all of my savings.
Having strong faith in the ability of "God" to take care of all my financial needs, I decided to immediately send Muriel a check for five hundred dollars. It was all the money I had; what more could I do? I did not even meditate on the matter. I simply wrote out a check and put it in the mail. I was happy to be a child of "God" and know I was under the special care and protection of my master. I had total trust in Djwhal Khul and his ability to help me wisely plan my life and obtain whatever resources I needed.
Two days later, I awoke with an uneasy feeling inside. A powerful thought in my mind indicated that I needed to send another five hundred dollars to Muriel immediately.
I got up and proceeded to carry out my morning meditation. I began with prayer and said, "Father, what wilt thou have me do this day to glorify thy name?"
"Send another five hundred dollars," the inner voice of my higher self confirmed.
I didn't feel good about this answer, knowing I had no more money left. But when I reviewed my finances, I discovered that, with my payroll check going into the bank the following day, I would have just sufficient funds available to cover the check. I concluded that this was a time when sacrifices were needed, even though I felt uneasy about cutting my finances so close.
After I dropped the check in a local mailbox, I noticed the uneasy feeling lifted, as if a release had occurred in my nervous system in response to my obeying the inner direction.
I had known Muriel for more than four years, and she had told me that since the time she originally started the Lighted Way some twenty years before, she had used up all of her personal resources in order to support the ongoing expenses of operating the center. She once told me that she had even sold her house in order to pay for the work of the masters. Her sacrifice had been tremendous.
Knowing that Muriel had been brought up in a relatively wealthy and cultured family, I realized it must have been very difficult for her to ask me for money, even though the funds were to be used to finance the work of the Hierarchy. I had absolutely no doubt that Muriel had been specifically directed by her spirit guidance to ask the disciples for special donations.
A couple of days after sending the second donation, a sick feeling filled the pit of my stomach as I awoke. In the front of my mind was the powerful thought that I needed to send more money to Muriel. Intuitively, I was aware that the amount needed was one thousand dollars.
Apprehensively I thought to myself: No, this can't be. I don't have any more money. This idea must be merely rubbish coming from my mind's own nonsense realms.
I decided that I had better do some deep meditating to find out just what was going on. "Father, what wilt thou have me do this day so that I might glorify thy name?" I asked sincerely in prayer.
The morning meditation was confusing. In my emotionally turbulent state I couldn't meditate clearly. So I decided to go to work and meditate further on the matter when I returned home in the evening.
Returning from work, as usual, I lighted candles and incense upon the altar in my apartment. Kneeling down before the altar, I prayed: "Dear heavenly Father, I ask that you will give me clear guidance regarding the financial donations required for the Lighted Way. Please reveal to me clearly if you want me to send a thousand dollars at this time."
I then meditated while still on my knees, holding my hands clasped as in prayer.
The inner voice of conscience quietly spoke to me. "Yes," it said. "You need to send a check for one thousand dollars right away. The money is needed to carry on the work of bringing more people into a knowledge of the New Age. We need more people on the path of discipleship."
In my own thinking, I protested: "How am I supposed to send money when I have nothing left in my bank account?"
The inner voice of meditation replied immediately, "You have credit cards. Use them."
An uncomfortable apprehension flooded over me. The heart chakra area of my back felt very warm.
I then protested that I regarded my credit cards as a source of cash only in an emergency.
"This is an emergency," the inner voice rebuked. "The money is needed now to do my work."
After a few moments of contemplation, I reluctantly decided to end my resistance and send the money, even though I felt uncomfortable and tense about what was happening.
I made out the check and took it to a mailbox. As I dropped the envelope into the box, my apprehension suddenly disappeared. The anxiety vanished, as if by magic it had been lifted from me.
I now had to transfer funds from my MasterCard account into my checking account to cover the check. Thinking about my finances, I reasoned that realistically I could afford what I had given and would soon be able to pay off the credit card account.
Two days later when I awakened in the morning, a tune was playing in my mind. I could hear the lyrics as clearly as if I were listening to a radio playing through stereo headphones:
Take it to the limit,
oh, ho, ho.
Take it to the limit,
oh, ho, ho.
Take it to the limit....
I remembered the song to have been a hit pop number several years previously. Accompanying the tune was a powerful thought that I needed to send another thousand-dollar check to Muriel. In my imagination, I could clearly see a check with $1,000 written on it. Horror filled the pit of my stomach. "Oh, no! When is this thing going to end?" I exclaimed to myself.
Climbing out of bed, I thought: Don't panic; maybe the idea of donating more money is just emotional nonsense. Surely "God" would not want me to go into debt, not when I have zero assets to my name. I tried to stay calm and objective. Maybe this time the masters were just joking around.
As I showered, the song still ran through my mind.
Take it to the limit,
Oh, take it to the limit,
Take it to the limit,
oh, oh, oh
Take it to the limit....
I felt depressed and terribly frustrated about the whole situation and decided not to send any money at this time. All day at work the song kept playing in my mind, over and over and over again. I had never sung this song to myself before; it wasn't even my type of music, although I could remember the number playing on jukeboxes in the bars I had frequented years before.
Deciding that I was not prepared to go into debt to finance Muriel's center, I refused to send any more money. Besides, I sometimes had reservations about the things Muriel said. I had wondered if all of her messages and directions really came from a "divine" source. I suspected that one or two strange channelings may have come from astral entities(1). Sometimes Muriel said things that just did not seem to square with what had been written by Djwhal Kuhl in the Bailey books. Sometimes she said things that just didn't feel right. I considered my decision not to send more money to be final.
(1) Metaphysics postulates that there are low-intelligence entities existing on the lower levels of the spirit realms, or astral planes. These entities include fairies, hobgoblins, and ghosts. It is claimed that sometimes a channeler can accidentally receive messages from these mischievous astral beings.
Although my mind was made up, my decision did not affect the way I felt. Severe depression began to build inside me. It was almost as if I were under a spell of oppression. The lyrics "take it to the limit ..." were constantly bombarding my mind. No matter what I did, I could not erase these words from my mind. They were there when I ate, when I spoke on the phone, when I used my computer, and when I tried to deliberately sing a different song.
Hounding commands accompanied the lyrics.
"You have to send the money," the voice of conscience blasted.
"One thousand dollars," it repeated.
Arriving home after work, I meditated. The inner voice sternly rebuked, "You must send the money. Send it now!"
For once, I did not want to listen to my higher self. I wished it to be silenced. But it was relentless.
Take it to the limit,
oh, ho, ho.
Send it; send the check.
One thousand dollars.
Take it to the limit,
Getting down on my knees before the altar, I prayed to "God." "Dear heavenly Father, deeply I come before you and pray that you will bring me wisdom and clarity of mind. I do not want to do anything foolish. Please show me clearly what you want me to do in regard to financially supporting the Lighted Way. I ask that I am aligned to your will and that you will protect me from all false and astral influences."
After a pause to meditate, I continued the prayer. "Father, I really mean it when each day I start my meditation with the words 'What wilt thou have me do this day?'"
"Use your MasterCard!" the voice thundered.
I thought, How far is this going to go?
"I also want you to immediately apply for credit-limit increases," the voice interjected.
A cold shiver shot down my spine.
"Don't worry. You will be blessed in what you are doing," the higher self assured. "The Father is with you."
I felt awful. The sickly depression intensified. I perceived, I was resisting the will of "God."
I thought to myself, "If I send this one thousand dollars, will the masters then want me to give even more?"
I decided I had better get the check written. I couldn't stand the tension, anxiety, and depression any longer. The lyrics of the song were driving me crazy.
As I wrote out the check, I wondered whether the severe depression resulted from separation from God caused by my disobedience.
I drove over to the mail-deposit box. As soon as I dropped the envelope into the box, the sickly depression lifted instantly. I also noticed that the music in my head had gone. In the welcome silence, I felt "normal" again.
When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I did was check out my mind. Nothing unusual was there. No powerful thoughtforms were telling me to make further donations. I breathed a big sigh of relief.
About a week passed in relative peace. Then one early morning I woke up with a new idea implanted in my mind. I needed to immediately donate two thousand dollars to the Lighted Way.
"Oh, no! Not again!" I protested in anger.
I hesitantly climbed out of bed and took a shower. As I was showering, suddenly the music and words, "Take it to the limit, oh, oh, oh... ." burst into my mind. The music and the words were as clear as if I wore headphones connected to a cassette. Hearing every note in stereo was an amazing, but horrifying experience.
"What should I do now?" I asked myself loudly.
There was no answer. All I could hear was the song. "Take it to the limit...."
After dressing, I fell down on my knees in front of the altar.
As I meditated, the imagery of meditation now pictured a check with a figure of $3,000 written on it. Thinking to myself that three thousand dollars was ludicrous, I decided to immediately write a check for two thousand dollars without any further resistance or protest. I was not prepared to resist any longer and risk going through all that terrible depression again. If the Hierarchy wanted a further one thousand dollars, they could have it. The pain of resisting was not worth it. It was better to just do what they wanted and get it over with.
I reasoned that the masters knew what they were doing; they would just have to help me pay back all the accumulated debt. It was useless to resist.
After sending the check for two thousand dollars, I transferred funds from my Visa account into my checking account to prevent the check from bouncing. What a relief not to feel any more anxiety that day. It was better to obey than put up useless resistance against the will of "God."
I believed that through my obedience I was building for myself a place in the kingdom of "God" and that I would be blessed with rewards of joy and abundance on account of every penny I spent on "God's" precious work.
The next morning, sure enough, the song was there again. "Take it to the limit, one more time."
I intuitively knew a thousand dollars was needed.
The emphasis of the song's words was now on the final phrase, "one more time." I wondered if the emphasis indicated that this check would be my last donation.
The inner voice explained, "You should have sent the full three thousand dollars, just as you were instructed yesterday. Send the outstanding one thousand dollars right now."
I wrote out the check without resistance. That check brought my total donation over the two-week period to a total of six thousand dollars, the very a mount Muriel had asked for.
The music did not return, perhaps because my credit cards had been taken to their credit limit.
At this stage in my New Age experience, I was becoming totally "possessed" by the spirit demons. I had little ability to resist their telepathic manipulation of my emotions and control of my conscience. Some incredible changes were soon to take place in my life.
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